And Elvis Makes Three

We were supposed to get married in June of 1978, but being a young, impatient man, I convinced my 19-year-old wife to speed it up to February. One of my selling points was, “It’s the off season; hotels are a lot cheaper.” Ever since then, we have tried to have a little get away every February to celebrate our anniversary. I’ve joked that we could title our marriage, “Forty years of cheap hotels!”

Fast forward to February, 2013. My wife found a great deal for Vegas (we had never been) and she came up with an idea: renew our vows with Elvis at a Vegas chapel. This was quite out of character for my wife, but I liked the idea. I bought a new suit and she got a new dress and when we showed up for our appointment, a tall Elvis impersonator and his photographer greeted us at a little chapel. It was great fun. He said, “Do you, Celeste, take Keith to be your hunka hunka burnin’ love? Do you promise not to step on his blue suede shoes?” He worked every song title he could think of into the ceremony. He hammed it up and we still laugh about it today.

Elvis represents the spirit of fun, and every family, every couple needs it. Couples who laugh together develop a resilience when hard times come. They also experience a deeper bonding through the release of oxytocin, sometimes called the “cuddle hormone” or the “empathy hormone.” When you laugh with someone, you feel close to them, your trust is strengthened, and hope is kindled. Here are few thoughts about fun, laughter, and love.

• Fun makes life exciting. We all know that work and raising a family and paying the bills can, at times, get tedious and boring. We have to be serious grownups and take care of business. However, there is still the little child in each of us that wants to play. Couples who can play together experience a restoration of that childlike wonder and creativity. Buy a child an expensive toy and they may prefer playing with the cardboard box it came in. That’s because they are open to new experiences and are oblivious to the status seeking that can ruin so much of our adult fun. Back when we were young and broke, our idea of fun was to have a picnic and go hiking in the woods or mountains. Picking wild blueberries on Mt. Baker in Washington State is one of my favorite memories. (Also eating the blueberry pancakes and muffins my wife made afterwards!) We still love to do those things.

• Laughter is reframing. If you study the great comedians, they have developed the skill of taking ordinary things and looking at them from a different perspective. Jim Gaffigan is a great example. He did 30 minutes of jokes just on Hot Pockets! In his jokes about vegetables at a party, he said that cauliflower has low self esteem compared to the sexy pigs in a blanket. Reframing is also the heart of counseling. People come to me every day with problems that seem insoluble. As we talk about them, little by little, new aspects come to light and the solutions begin to present themselves. For example, I used to often ask my patients in the psych hospital what they felt they were learning through this difficult time. I loved it when they said, “I’m learning that I’m stronger than I thought I was.” Talk about reframing! The worst moment of my life turns out to be an opportunity for growth and hope.

• Love casts out fear. It’s a tough world out there. Financial reversals, thieves, disease, and accidents remind us daily that disaster is not far from any of us. Facing it alone is disheartening and overwhelming. But when I have someone by my side I know I can trust with my life, the fear begins to dissipate. Sharing the laughter and tears of life with another human being is one of the most rewarding experiences a person can have. As one couple said recently in a counseling session:, “It heals my soul.” I heartily agree.